[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: My name is Nancy Farrow, also known as Mama Lou, and I'm the founder of Epic Experience.
Epic Experience mission is to empower adult cancer survivors and thrivers to live beyond cancer.
I hope that as you listen to campfires of Hope living beyond cancer, you find hope, healing and empowerment.
Through stories and education, we aim to guide those impacted by cancer and more importantly, offer love and support to anyone out there who needs it.
This is beyond Cancer.
[00:01:15] Speaker C: Hello, everyone. This is Gail, AKA Sunshine. Welcome to the final episode in the When Cancer Hits Home series presented by Epic Experience and Pickles Group, where we explore what healing looks like for the entire family going through a cancer journey. Today we have two survivors with us. We have Amanda Blackburn and Michael Roy. Thank you both for joining us around the campfire.
[00:01:38] Speaker A: Thanks.
[00:01:38] Speaker C: So I'm going to start like I usually do, and I'm going to ask you both to tell us a little bit about yourselves and please include one fun fact. So, Amanda, we'll start with you.
[00:01:48] Speaker D: Well, first, hi, everybody. Thank you for having me. My name is Amanda Simi Blackburn. Simi is my camp name.
And you know, it comes from a fun. It comes from a fun place that was kind of my way of putting a spin on my cancer diagnosis. So I had colorectal cancer and I have a semicolon. And I know some people on the west coast say semi, but I'm from the south, so we say semicolon here.
So I have a semicolon. So that's where my name came from.
But I've got two wonderful daughters. I have one amazing bonus daughter and my honey, his name is Jared. We were sweethearts in high school and reconnected later in life. So that's been a blessing.
And I guess one fun fact about me is I retired from the Air Force two years ago after spending 25 years in the service.
[00:02:45] Speaker C: Congratulations and thank you for your.
[00:02:47] Speaker D: Thank you.
[00:02:47] Speaker C: Thank you, Michael.
[00:02:49] Speaker A: All right, again, thank you guys for having me. So glad to be here. Just sharing the story. Name is Michael Roy. I'm a communicator and writer by trade and my my passion.
I've worked in education, community engagement, health marketing, as well as presently taxpayer funded public affairs projects and content creation. So a big part of my story, it just now includes being a prostate cancer survivor. So been married 19 years.
We have two daughters and a cat.
And one fun fact about me is I'm an identical twin and we were born six weeks premature on our mom's birthday.
[00:03:30] Speaker C: Wow, that.
That is fun.
Maybe not at the time, but now.
[00:03:36] Speaker A: That you know, not at the time.
[00:03:37] Speaker C: At all, right, Exactly. All right, well, I'm going to ask you both.
[00:03:41] Speaker D: You've. You've.
[00:03:42] Speaker C: Michael, you said you're prostate. Semi. Semi. I'm going to say semi for you because I'm one of the ones who says semi.
[00:03:47] Speaker D: Thank you.
[00:03:49] Speaker C: You are colorectal. So I'm going to ask both of you just to give us a brief.
When you were diagnosed, your treatment, like a real kind of hot facts type thing. Michael, I'll start with you.
[00:04:00] Speaker A: Yeah. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer as a young black man. I was only 37 years old. I didn't have any symptoms, didn't even know I had cancer. Had moved from Austin to Houston and had found a new doctor. And my first visit, this doctor just elected to test my PSA levels without me asking to have it done.
And that's really how I found out. So I was diagnosed stage one.
I just had a radical prostatectomy. So I had surgery because my doctor doctors felt like I'd be able to bounce back very quickly, and I was.
And so, yeah, that's. That's it, essentially.
[00:04:35] Speaker C: Wow. When was this? What year?
[00:04:36] Speaker A: 2018.
[00:04:37] Speaker C: 2018. Okay. Yes, Amanda.
[00:04:42] Speaker D: Wow. So I'm going to say also, Michael, I was diagnosed at 37, too. So that's our new fun fact.
[00:04:47] Speaker C: Wow.
[00:04:48] Speaker D: Yeah. So I'm 45 now, but I was 37 when I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. It is very important, and I like to scream it as loud as I can from the mountaintop, that I have no fear. Family history.
So I know a lot of times people are like, oh, they have a family history, or, oh, it's an old person's disease. But colorectal cancer does not discriminate, just like every other cancer.
I did all the treatment.
Chemo, radiation, surgeries. I had a lower anterior resection with an ileostomy for 10 months.
And thankfully, I was blessed to be able to have that reversed.
And so all that happened in, like, a year's timeframe. So it was like a whirlwind during that year. So.
[00:05:35] Speaker C: And for you, that was what year it was?
[00:05:38] Speaker D: I was diagnosed in 2017, August of 17. And then I finished my treatment, like, right around the same time in 2018.
[00:05:46] Speaker C: Wow, you guys are really on the same.
[00:05:48] Speaker D: I know.
[00:05:49] Speaker C: There. Well, this is perfect that you're here together. So what we're talking about today is the impact of those diagnoses that you each had on your family. I mean, really, that's kind of been the. The.
The crux of the whole series. But Today we really want to talk about the whole family impact. So we'll start with, like, how did it impact your family routines and daily life? How did daily life change for you guys? That's part one and then part two. What helped you create a new sense of normal in that sphere? So, Amanda, I'll start with you.
[00:06:25] Speaker D: Yeah, so it definitely changed up the routine.
At the time, I was a single mom. My girls were 9 and 10.
So that obviously was a huge impact.
My parents, who also, I will say, were my caregivers, you know, they were amazing and very much supported me. And, you know, whenever I would have an infusion, you know, they would pack up and come to the house and, you know, take care of my kids, make sure they're eating, sure they went to sports, made sure. If it was a birthday party, it was the same kind of birthday party that, you know, I would have planned so that things could stay consistent here. So I'm very blessed to have had, you know, my parents, you know, step up to the plate, which, if you ask them, they'd say, we didn't think anything about it.
[00:07:13] Speaker C: It's just.
[00:07:13] Speaker D: Oh, God, you know.
You know, I. I will say, too, while we're talking about the kids, you know, it is very impactful on everybody involved.
I did choose, even at 9 and 10, um, once I knew what my.
In the regiment and all that was going to be, I did share that very open and honestly with my children, including, you know, they got to see a video of an ileostomy and what that looked like prior to my surgery, because I'm like, I don't want to be scary. So I'm just going to show them this. They watched the video with me.
They went to a chemo irradiation. They were at my surgeries.
So I thought it was essential, honestly, in what was happening at the time. And then also the healing that is always going to continue, I think, to take place.
But the new norm, you know, like, it's one of those things where you just. You have to embrace the new norm.
So, you know, cancer does change things for you.
If I had to write down all the negative impacts and the positive impacts of cancer, my positives would certainly outweigh the negatives.
You know, no doubt cancer's not a fun thing.
However, there are a lot of things that come with a cancer diagnosis, whether it be a gaining of friends, a losing of friends, a humbling a, you know, a live each day like it's the last day, and then just, you know, some of the things that you value or choose for yourself, you know, and so I think that that was a huge change for me, is just making sure that I put myself and my family first, you know what I mean? And, you know, putting. Filling up people's cups in the people that are filling mine. Right. You know, you give and put into those people that are going to be there for you. And so I think that that was a big embrace for me. And then, you know, there's like, a physical aspect of, you know, embracing, you know, scars and hair loss and hair growing back and things like that. And that's really tough, especially at the time being a single mom, you know, when I was 37. So I'm still like, okay, I'm still going to date potentially, you know, that was. That was huge. That was. That was a big thing for me to kind of wrap my arms around, too.
[00:09:34] Speaker C: Yeah. Michael, before I move on, I just want to ask, did you incorporate your kids and, like, shaving your head and doing, like, were they part of that whole process?
[00:09:43] Speaker D: So I have pictures of my girls and my wig and. Yeah, they. They were. They were part of everything. I'm a firm believer in knowledge is.
So I just felt like if they know what I know, they won't fill in the blanks with scary thoughts. Like, it's scary enough. You know what I mean? So I didn't want them to, you know, lay in bed at night going like, oh, I don't know. Mom's being weird today. Like, what's happening?
[00:10:07] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:10:08] Speaker D: You know, so.
[00:10:09] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you, Michael.
[00:10:13] Speaker A: Yeah. I will say, you know, everything slowed down, that's for sure. I mean, the night I was diagnosed, it's like, you know, and there's a whole nother story to that. But just up until the night I was told I had cancer, I had no. Like, there was nothing. Otherwise, they would have told me because I didn't have symptoms. My primary care physician actually thought it was a. A prostate infection, so I was kind of going with that.
And then, you know, she put me on antibiotics, and when she felt like my PSA wasn't going down, then she referred me to a urologist. But even then, I never got worried because I felt good. Right. And that's the thing. I try to let men know all over the country. Don't even wait until you feel you need to be going to the doct doctor to get a baseline. I'm on my soapbox, but touching on what you said. Touching on what you said, Amanda, I. I chose to also get down on my knees the night I was diagnosed, November 1, 2018. And just talk to my girls, look them in their eyes, just let them know, you know, dad's going to be going through some really tough doctor visits, and that more than anything, I'm gonna need, like, their kisses, and I need them to make me laugh, you know, because, you know, and. And just every day, letting them know, you know, dad's not feeling too good today, or I'm having really big feelings, you know, so that they don't point like. Like in the dark about it, you know, and making them worry about it even more. And so I would say, you know, suddenly life changed. Doctor's appointments, recovery time, and just the mental weight of cancer for me, especially because it. It's not like I had the time to get ready for it because I was feeling a certain way. Like, it just hit me, like, bang. Like, wow. And honestly, I found out later, after my surgery that prostate cancer runs in my family, but nobody ever talked about it, so.
Because they never talked about it, you know, I believe. I believe that because I was going to the doctor regularly, y'.
[00:12:01] Speaker C: All.
[00:12:01] Speaker A: Like, I believe that if I knew about it, I probably could have been letting my doctors know, and they could have been just testing me earlier than when I got. It was just a miracle that this doctor chose to test my PSA level. That's the only way that I found out when I did. We can almost assume that if she didn't do that, if I didn't move to Austin and I didn't meet this particular doctor, that it would have progressed to the point where I do have symptoms, and then it's further along. Right.
So we, as a family, we had to be intentional. You know, we had to be intentional about maintaining consistency and keeping up communication as a family. And I had to learn to give myself grace when I couldn't be at 100% for. For my wife, for my girls, for myself, you know, before or after my surgery. So creating a new normal meant you adjusting expectations.
I think the biggest thing was finding joy in small, everyday routines instead of trying to, like, bounce back immediately to life as it was before. Because, I mean, the truth is, it'll never be the same as it was before.
And so, yeah, that's. That's my thoughts there.
[00:13:06] Speaker C: Yeah. How old are your girl. Were your girls at the time?
[00:13:08] Speaker A: Oh, then. I mean, they're. They're 16 and 11 now, so.
I mean, they were in elementary.
Yeah. So, you know, and. And the thing is, I mean. Okay, I'm trying to make this concise I. My primary care physician connected me to the urologist. Remember, I visited the urologist. I paid a copay. They need. They wanted me to come back to do the biopsy. I paid a copay. Then they wanted me to come back seven days later to get my results. Right. So the night that I went to get my results, I was just thinking, if I'm getting results from a service that was already rendered, I shouldn't have to pay a copay. Again, I'm just picking up my or. Nevertheless, they did try to make me pay a copay. And my wife was. You know, she protested and was like, you know, I don't understand why we're paying a copay. We're getting results, you know, and so the lady at the front desk just chose at that moment to slide my results under the little thing in a. With a sheet of paper, no envelope.
[00:14:04] Speaker D: Oh, my God.
[00:14:05] Speaker A: And it was like a graph or a chart. It wasn't something I could readily understand.
[00:14:09] Speaker C: Right.
[00:14:09] Speaker A: And so my wife said, no, you know, we would like the doctor to, like, talk to us about whatever this says on the paper. Well, turns out it said I had cancer. So when I think about the night I was diagnosed, it's actually tied to that whole situation of the doctor not wanting to see me and tell me that I had cancer because of a $75 copay.
So, again, that's, you know, that's like a separate component to the story. But, yeah, my girls were little at the time. They didn't really understand what was going on. That's why it was important that I just told them, like, right away.
[00:14:42] Speaker C: Yeah, I agree. I mean, I've heard this multiple times. I've done enough podcasts on this topic with parents who have been diagnosed. And this is a theme. Being open, being honest, obviously, taking in account the age level and what they can.
What they can understand.
But they're smart. Kids are smart. So smart. And they're gonna. Like you said Amanda, they're gonna fill in something even scarier if you don't.
[00:15:05] Speaker A: So, yeah, and they're smart and they're resilient, too, though.
They can take the information and process it probably better than we can as adults.
[00:15:13] Speaker C: Yeah, y. Yeah, definitely.
So what role did community, friendship and support systems play in helping your whole family navigate the cancer survivorship? And, Michael, I'm going to start with you this time.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, community was huge. Friends checked in, people, including my primary care physician. Remember, I hadn't talked to her since she referred me to the urologist. So now I'm letting her know the night that I got diagnosed, I just.
There's a backstory to her as well. The way I found out about this primary care physician is because, remember, we moved from Houston to Austin. My wife is from Austin, and her parents have lived here like years. So they were the ones that told me, you know what, you should go to our family. Our physician, we've been seeing her for 15 years.
And so I'm glad I did that.
But yes, that night I called her just to say, hey, just letting you know it's stage one prostate cancer. And she immediately said, let's pray, you know, and so he prayed with us that night. The night I was diagnosed, my colleagues and neighbors gave us space when we needed it and encouragement when we didn't have words.
And so having that circle of support helped carry the weight. So. So that my family didn't feel like we were an island, you know, like we were carrying it all along.
[00:16:30] Speaker C: Yeah. Did you have specific support for your kids? Like, did you have a community or family support, specifically?
[00:16:36] Speaker A: Church, for sure. Church, yes, church. And, and our, and our. My brother in laws and their family, you know, sometime would come get the girls and just take them to go to the park or just something to like help them be kids, you know?
[00:16:49] Speaker C: Yep, exactly. Yeah, it's part of that. Normal, but keeping the, the routines going as well. Definitely.
Amanda, how about you?
[00:16:58] Speaker D: Well, it's kind of similar also. You know, I had a great community rally around me. My church, my kids, school kids, friends, my friends, old friends, new friends, which was pretty, which was pretty awesome. You know, even, you know, coming from the military, you know, work predominantly with guys. And so they, I think, very delicately didn't know how to handle that with me, but, you know, they were so, so supportive as well. And so it was really cool how they showed up and the people that showed up that I never would have imagined showing up, you know, even if it was just like a meal brought to my family, you know, although I wasn't eating the meal at the time.
[00:17:40] Speaker C: Right.
[00:17:40] Speaker D: You know, it was one less thing that my mom had to do right. So that she could focus on me and taking care of me and taking care of my kids. And so I was, you know, very, very grateful for that. And, you know, I'm a firm believer in investing in my people even prior to my cancer diagnosis. And I do think, you know, that's a result of investing in serving your friends and family. You know what I mean? You create that community around you. And they showed up, up and they showed up big, you know, and so I had friends cleaning my house up, making me brownies. Like, they.
This was actually a joke. This weekend at thriving together is, you know, I'm a very.
You know, I'll do it myself. And so it was really. It was really a good teaching for me to learn how to accept help.
So, I mean, that's just one of my biggest takeaways. But the funny thing that we were talking about this past weekend was, you know, my were like, we don't know what to do for her because I'm always like, oh, we're fine. And my mom is also, you know, very, you know, independent. So she's like, oh, we're fine.
But I look out the window one day, and my friends are, like, in my backyard building a fire pit, because they knew that. Look, I'm, like, choking up on it, man.
Because they knew, like, they had just heard me say, like, prior to my diagnosis, like, I'm really wanting to get this fire pit put in the backyard. And they showed up with their, you know, spouses, and we're out there with rocks and digging, and, you know, it's just amazing, you know?
[00:19:16] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:19:17] Speaker D: How thoughtful. You know, that.
[00:19:19] Speaker C: That.
[00:19:19] Speaker D: That was so.
[00:19:20] Speaker C: Well, and that isn't something I would think of first in terms of helping a cancer survivor. Right. It's the food. It's the daycare for the kids, whatever. But, gosh, what a cool way for them to. To show that they saw you.
[00:19:33] Speaker D: Right, right, right.
[00:19:35] Speaker C: I mean, that's.
[00:19:35] Speaker D: They saw me. They were listening and. Yeah, yeah. So, no, I thought that was pretty cool.
[00:19:41] Speaker C: That's neat.
So it sounds like you both have good relationships with your families. You were close anywhere. I'm curious if this caused your family to grow closer, and if so, how.
And. Or did you discover new outlooks because of this whole cancer journey?
Michael, I'll start with you.
[00:20:02] Speaker A: Yeah.
I think because I was so young and otherwise healthy with no symptoms, you know, just like Amanda. We were both basically the same age.
How this seemed to come out of nowhere for me, it forced me and my family to not take time for granted.
The small things, meals together, conversations, laughter, and just being like. Just, you know, those became the big things.
Just being present, like sitting with ourselves, you know, watching a movie or just spending time and, like. Because, I mean, it could be any. We never know what a day may bring. That's what it really showed me and my family. And as a family, we become stronger at communicating and showing up for each other. I mean, just beyond my family My wife and my kids, even my. My twin brother and his family, my older brother, everyone who was close and saw this happen, I think it just showed all of us the importance of showing up for one another. And so I think as a result of my peculiar diagnosis and how I found out I had cancer, it has forced everyone around me who knows my story to kind of carry a deeper awareness of health, both physical and mental. And so I definitely say that's how, like, it's made us stronger and. And helped us to see, like, new outlooks.
[00:21:12] Speaker C: Yeah, that's great. Amanda, how about you?
[00:21:16] Speaker D: It definitely strengthened my relationships, especially with my. My mom, I will say, and my daughters.
My mom and I have always been very, very close, but it was a different kind of bond, you know, being an adult and having your mother care for you, like, totally different experience than with. Than when you're a kid.
My family jokes, and they call in the kitchen, they call that my square. And they're always like, stay out of her square.
Because, you know, I'm cooking, cleaning, doing all the things in there. But, you know, it was kind of a funny joke. They're like, oh, you're gonna let your mom in your square? And my mom was like, well, I'm only gonna stay in her square for three days, and then I'm gonna leave, because I know she's like, stop doing everything. Let me do it, you know? But they were. She was very respectful, in a manner of my independence, if that makes sense. Like, she was there to care for me, but she was like, didn't want to leave, but left. You know what I mean? After a couple days, it's like, okay, I'm gonna give you your space, you know, when I started feeling better after my infusions. So I'll say definitely strengthen our relationship, you know? And my dad, too. You know, my dad was still working at the time, and he would pack up a bag and come sleep on the couch, you know, so that, you know, he could go to work from here.
My girls, man, you know, so. So thankful, honestly, that at the time I was single, because it really formed a different bond with the three of us together, me and my girls. You know, they're only 15 months apart, and they're also very close. I think it helped bond them together as well as, you know, the three of us. And one of the things that came out of, you know, my cancer experience or journey, I know people call it all different things, but is my girls and I do trip every year.
This year will be our seventh annual trip.
And after Christmas, we just. We go get lost for like seven days and we go to national parks and we've camped the Florida Keys. You know, we do whatever. But I really like to be in a no cell phone zone because, you know, they're teenagers.
So it's really nice for us just to have that time together. And I don't know if I hadn't set out to give them the epic experience the. The Christmas after I went to camp, I don't know if I would have started that. That trend, so. And I. I really value that time with my girls and, you know, honestly, always looking forward to that December trip. So it's not Christmas that I'm excited about anymore. It's the trip. So.
[00:23:54] Speaker C: Yeah, I'm wondering if you guys have seen your. Your girls since you both have girls grow as a result of this. I mean, not only you guys as a family, but them as individuals. You're both nodding.
Any thoughts on that that you want to share? Either of you?
[00:24:10] Speaker A: I'll jump in. Yeah, I've definitely seen them grow. I mean, especially around that time. I mean, it was between November and June 2018 to 2019 when I got diagnosed to when I had surgery, certainly after the surgery. Them seeing me at the hospital after surgery, I think it's just taught them to them how to manage feelings and things that are traumatic at an earlier age, which might not be so bad. Right. Because life comes at us hard and fast.
And so I think it definitely kind of gave them some tools, maybe in an unofficial way to learn to manage and process those things or talk about them, you know, because that's what we would do. I would come home and I'd say, girls, Dad's got like some big feelings today. I remember one time I knew that I felt like an island because I was so young. I didn't feel like I knew anybody that I could talk to. My wife, of course she's well meaning, right. But she just can't understand what's in my head. So I eventually reached out to like a group called US2 in Austin. And so I went to the meeting and I walk into the meeting, and this was a little bit after I was diagnosed, maybe two months after. And when I walked into the meeting, guys, everybody in the meeting, there was probably 40 to 50 guys in there. And they were all over 50, I mean, maybe over 60. And they were all, you know, they, they. They had had late stage cancer. Their stories were a lot different. And crazy is when I walked into the room, the guy who was standing up at the front. And I had corresponded with him via email.
[00:25:39] Speaker D: He.
[00:25:39] Speaker A: He said, can I help you? Or, you know, everybody was looking at me like, I couldn't be like, why are you here?
[00:25:45] Speaker C: Right.
[00:25:45] Speaker A: I had his backpack on because I had driven a far distance and I had my hat on. I probably looked like I. A college kid or something. I don't know. I was like, no, I'm here, you know, for the. And they were like. I said, I'm Michael Roy. And they're like, oh, you know. But after that meeting, it kind of scared me.
Before that, I was just like, okay, I know what I have to do. Yeah, it's still scary. But after that meeting, just the combination of, like, me being the youngest and them sharing their stories, it just scared me. I remember coming home and telling my wife and my girls, like, immediately, like, soon as I walked in, like, I don't think I want to do this. So they're watching me go through these feelings, you know, and of course, I changed my mind. But that was just my initial thought, like, super scared, like, oh, my God, what is ahead? And so, yeah, I think it's just helpful just to be transparent and just to wear our feelings on our sleeve in that way, because this is heavy. And I think that's the best thing we could have done from them. I'm sure Amanda would have.
[00:26:37] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah, definitely.
[00:26:39] Speaker D: Yeah. No, I definitely agree, Michael, with everything that you said. It's really funny how similar.
Our stories are. Very similar, but very different.
But no resiliency. You know, that is definitely one of the silver linings. Not, you know, for my girls. You know, like you said, you know, it's so many tools in the toolbox.
Although I do think it, you know, had them grow up a little faster.
Yeah, you know, it did make them very resilient. And, I mean, I remember driving them to school and, like, you know, having my daughter upset about a test or whatever, and I literally look at them and go, hey, we beat cancer. I think you can. You can handle this. And they're like, yeah, you're right.
[00:27:19] Speaker A: That's right.
[00:27:20] Speaker C: That's awesome.
[00:27:21] Speaker D: Yeah. And so, you know, that was kind of always, you know, a thing like, hey, you can do this. We can do this. But I also feel, you know, there were times, even not by choice, that I had to be extremely vulnerable in front of my children.
I remember particularly one time I like, you know, in that chemo Twilight sleep, and I woke up, and my daughter's, like, standing there with a cookie, like, mom, mom, nanny said, you haven't eaten today.
You need to eat this cookie.
You know what I mean? And so, you know, they became like servants. You know what I mean? You know, servants of the heart. You know, they were in. Both my girls like to do service. I think, you know, that's part of it, too.
So, honestly, I feel like if you could buy the biggest Craftsman toolbox that Lowe's have to offer, I don't know if that would fit all the tools that cancer has provided them, you know, so it's. It's pretty incredible, honestly. And again, that's. That's one of my biggest silver linings.
[00:28:25] Speaker C: Yeah, cancer sucks, but there are a lot of good things that come out of it.
[00:28:30] Speaker A: And you just identify, said Amanda. We answer like, that's because we did. We. It wasn't right. It was everybody who was. Who was tethered to. To that. To that time period. So, yeah, agreed.
[00:28:42] Speaker C: Right? Yeah. That's excellent. Yes.
So I'm curious for you both, what does thriving and living beyond cancer look like today for your family? And what do you think it's going to look like, you know, as you go forward, Amanda?
[00:28:55] Speaker D: I will say I think I lived out loud prior to cancer, but now, like, really, I'm living out loud. So, you know, I. I was telling some friends this weekend, I measure everything and the cost of a plane ticket.
So I'm like, when I leave Walgreens with my, you know, 89 or one bag of things, I always think to myself when I'm walking out, like, I could have jumped on a flight to see my parents in Sarasota for $79, you know, and so I've put a lot of, you know, my passion into traveling into that time, you know, that just to turn everything off, except for focusing on my family and what's right in front of me and healing through adventure and healing through nature and just. Just, you know, letting things organically happen, you know, and. And just to comment quickly on a piece of, you know, again, I was single. You know what I mean? I was single, recovering from cancer, trying to figure out my new norm, going through menopause, trying to take range, teenagers, you know, all the things.
And, you know, there is life after cancer and there is dating after cancer. It actually happens, you know, and. And I just believe, you know, we're. We get to the.
Supposed to be at the right time, at the right place with the right people. It's, you know, we're. We're right where we're supposed to be all the time. And. And maybe we feel like, it's not the right place, but sometimes we just have to be still in the moment, and that's. I'm trying to live my life being still, and I have had to, you know, tattoo it on my wrist as a reminder. Remember, like, slow down. It really is. It's my reminder. Just. Just slow down. You know, and that's really my forecast for my life, is slow down, take it in. And as Patty would say, look up.
[00:30:51] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:30:52] Speaker D: You know, look up. So, yeah.
[00:30:55] Speaker C: Thank you, Michael.
[00:30:58] Speaker A: I'd say thriving today means, like, living every day and remembering how blessed I am to still be here with and for the ones I love. It means I could truly connect with gratitude as a result of, like, surviving this disease. I didn't even know I had that. Just constantly for that reason, I always feel like there's a reason I'm still here.
So for my family, I know my wife would say it looks like building traditions, like going traveling. We do a lot of traveling, setting goals together. We do a lot of vision boards and setting goals and making health a priority. Going on walks or going on hikes and doing it as a family. Like, come on, guys, let's just go walk around the school. That's right here next to our house. Let's go take a couple of laps and just do. As a family, you can sometimes. Can I ride my bike instead? And I'm like, let's. Can we just walk this time together?
[00:31:46] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:31:47] Speaker A: So for the future, I think it's about continuing to live with a heart of gratitude and staying connected even when life gets hard and we want to shut ourselves out. You know, it. It means making sure cancer is a part of our story, but not the whole story.
[00:32:02] Speaker C: Yes. I love that.
Well, I'm curious if either of you have anything else to share that I haven't asked you about specifically. Maybe for families who are just starting to navigate this journey. And I'll let you both think about it, and whoever feels like speaking up first, go for it.
[00:32:20] Speaker A: Amanda, you do want to. You can.
[00:32:23] Speaker D: Thanks, Michael. Well, and honestly, I was going to piggyback on something that you said earlier, Michael, and that is giving yourself grace.
So I think giving yourself grace is very important.
I think that it is very important for not just us, but for the people around us to acknowledge our caregivers and to acknowledge, like, how difficult that really is. And I didn't. I don't think I processed it at the time. I think it took me hosting a regional day and listening to my mom tell her story that I was like, I Was like, oh, wow, you know what I mean? And so.
So again, just. Just acknowledging them, encouraging them to take care of themselves because we're not in a good place to take care of anyone else if we're not taking care of ourselves.
And then also they're in a place of.
They're out of the control. Right. Of the situation. Like, I could have chosen. I didn't want to do this or I wanted to do this, and, you know, my caretaker was just going to have to sit there and support me through whatever that was. And that's hard. Hard.
And, you know, they're carrying a heavy load also. So, I guess acknowledging caregiver, super, super important.
And again, Mike, we have so many things in common.
You know, remembering basically where you came from. You know what I mean? Like, you know what it feels like to be in the valley, and you know what it feels like to be on top of the mountain, and you know that you can be in the valley and get back on top that mountain. So I like to keep that as close to the front of my mind as I can and use that as, you know, a push into anything in life that I decide that I want to go after.
[00:34:12] Speaker C: Thank you.
[00:34:13] Speaker A: Good. Amanda. I think I'll add to that, you know, something I would share is to make sure to ask as many questions as you feel like you need to ask.
Don't be afraid to share your story, too. You know, certainly the family members, because that's just one thing I found that, you know, know it's important for family members to know our diagnosis, to know so that they can know to be on the lookout for it for themselves. You know, again, had I known that prostate cancer ran in my family, I could have been getting ahead of it since I was already going to the doctor. And so I've just realized we're not doing ourselves. And I'm speaking from a male perspective, too, because men, it's a lot harder for us to share things. So, you know, my message is to men, like, talk, ask questions. When you go to the doctor, write down questions, take someone with you if you, you know, if it's your partner or if it's your mom, someone who you feel like may be able to help you think through. Because honestly, you know, when. After I was diagnosed, I felt like every day was like a fog.
[00:35:07] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:35:07] Speaker A: You know, even when I went to doctor's appointments, I would always take my wife. I probably would have taken her anyway because she's just, like, very inquisitive. She's gonna naturally ask Questions. But certainly I would take her even more then, because I didn't really have the mental capacity to, like, lock in. And, like, sometimes I would. The doctor might be like, I don't even know what they said, so. So that would be my thing, you know, share, share, share what you're going through with your family members, you know, even if it's, you know, after you've gone through it. But regardless, I think we just need to talk about these things and, like, be okay with sharing things. And when you go to the doctor, go to the doctor, but ask questions. Don't just take everything they're telling you at face value. Don't be afraid. You have the power to advocate for yourself.
[00:35:52] Speaker C: Yes, definitely. I think anyone who's been diagnosed with cancer knows that.
[00:35:56] Speaker D: Wa, wa, wa.
[00:35:57] Speaker C: Like, you completely tune out, and that's why you need someone there.
Yeah. Excellent. All right, final question. Marshmallows over a campfire.
Slow and steady or flaming crispy? Michael, I'm gonna ask you first.
[00:36:11] Speaker A: I'm. I'm flaming crispy all the way. Life's too short not to enjoy a little char, so I want a little char.
[00:36:18] Speaker C: Love it. That's great, Amanda.
[00:36:22] Speaker D: I am same. I. I like to catch my marshmallow on fire, and then when it's completely black, then that's when I blow the fire out and it's perfect.
[00:36:31] Speaker A: And, Amanda, you're from the south, so I knew you were going to say that. Yeah.
[00:36:34] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:36:36] Speaker C: Love it.
Well, thank you both so much, really. The similarities in your story and yet, though they are different, is really uncanny. The fact that you both had daughters, that you were both the same age, and things like that. I really appreciate you both being so vulnerable for being willing to come on and share with us. I know that you're going to touch people's heart with their. With your story. So you thank. Thank you.
[00:36:57] Speaker D: Thank you for having us.
[00:36:59] Speaker C: And to those of you listening, until the next time we gather around the campfire, keep living beyond cancer.
[00:37:10] Speaker E: Thank you for listening to this episode of Campfires of Living Beyond Cancer. For more information about Epic Experience and our programs or to donate, please visit our
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[00:37:52] Speaker C: We will rise once again.
